I Don't Know What's Best
I’m going to be rambling here.
I was in the shower last night (yeah I shower at night, so what??) and I was realizing how MUCH I want to KNOW something. I mean, at the core I have a sense how little I really know, but it doesn’t stop me from trying to prove my points, arguing, getting upset when people disagree with me…
And it hit me yet again, that there’s no particular issue with living my life the best I can, being ready to drop anything at anytime, if I find that things have changed. If I find something works better, I need to use it. Whatever it is. If I find that this method doesn’t work, I’ll use another. I’ll become Christian tomorrow if Jesus shows up at my doorstep.
I’ll start shooting a machine gun if someone can prove to me somehow that shooting a machine gun is beneficial to my life on this planet.
But see, even now, I sound like I think I know something. Even this so-called method of using what works, discarding what doesn’t work, is not really my method. I don’t know if it truly is THE BEST way. Is it the most efficient way? Maybe sticking doggedly to predetermined sets of beliefs, no matter what they are, works BETTER than what I’m suggesting.
Maybe for different people, different bodies and different minds and different experiences…
But I come back to this fact that I’m so angered by the different opinions around me. I find most people to be idiots. Isnt that funny, I really do. I look at the majority of human beings with some amount of disdain, considering them to be foolish, blind, caught in fantasy, deluded.
Perhaps they are. But it seems that I’m trying desperately to be right, to have the rightest ideas, the clearest view of reality, the most objective view of life. Like it’s a competition or something.
As far as I know, I need to at least act on the premise that some of my beliefs have some validity. It’s the best I can do—I think.
But I’ll tell you what. I’m less convinced of what I know as each day passes. Less and less. Its kind of scary.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. Everywhere I turn, someone thinks they know the answer and is willing to clue me in. Probably the comments section here will have people telling me what I’m REALLY trying to say, and what would REALLY benefit me. And I guess, rather than be offended that everyone thinks they know what’s best, I should just listen and consider. Because I might find a better way.