Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Falling in love and starting a new job

Seeing my name on the small list of contributors to the right, I felt a pang of guilt at not having contributed to or read Flapping Mouths for quite some time. I've just started a new job and fallen in love...
Falling in love and starting a new job are 2 great ways to learn stuff about oneself, I've found. Even though I've been doing Zazen for a while now and foolishly thought I was 'pretty sorted' as soon as I shifted my environment I'm all over the place again. Paranoia, angst, sadness, jealousy, and confusion abound.
And it kind of dawned upon me that this is probably what it's going to be like all the time - life's pretty confusing at the best of times, but then add a new job and love to the equation and it gets a lot more confusing.
Sometimes I feel like I should have the answers, because everyone else seems to have answers to people's problems. But if I'm really honest I haven't really got a clue what is best for me or for anyone else...
All I really know is that I shouldn't be fooled by my thoughts or feelings.
But then sometimes, I feel like I should be fooled.


At March 14, 2007, Blogger endofthedream said...

Excellent PA!

You begin to see that you are not the driver but that which is driven.

For me, "should" and "shouldn't" have fallen off the vocabulary.

What is, is.

What is, is reality.

You can argue with reality ("I shouldn't be fooled by my thoughts or feelings"), but you lose 100% of the time.

Things are the way they are. And if our preferences (or wants or even our needs) are in conflict with what is, then that too is the way things are. And sometimes it sucks. There is no total, complete, absolute escape from it. If one is alive, and compus mentis, then there will be good moments and bad moments. It is part of the joy (and pain) of life. Anyone who tells you that there is a place you can be, a way of being, where there are no "down" periods is selling you a bogus bill of goods.

Which reminds me of a lovely quote from Zen Diary by Paul Wiethenal:

"...bending like a reed: taking the days as they come. It is not enjoying the sun or the rain when they are there. Or avoiding them. It is taking the days as they come. And they come anyhow. All the 'this is good' and 'this is bad' and all the fretting are coming out of you. In this way, one sees that they are illusions."

Good luck with the job and babe!

(P.S. In the ole days here at FM, prior to my becoming persona non gratis, I enjoyed your posts. I still do!)

At March 15, 2007, Blogger Anatman said...

"Falling in love and starting a new job are 2 great ways to learn stuff about oneself, I've found.

Hear, here. Especially falling in love. Good luck with that, PA, may it be a long, ongoing, and wonderous experience. :-)

At March 15, 2007, Blogger MudderPugger said...

falling in love?
I'm so glad that shit's over for me now that I'm married....
good luck!

At March 20, 2007, Blogger PA said...

Thanks endofthedream, anatman, and mudderpugger!
What nice comments :-)
"taking the days as they come"...sounds fine to me!


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