A post by Edalleyn
Apologies for this being 'off-topic', but I don't think I'm registered yet to post a new topic...
I've got a question about meditation. To put it simply, I've got quite an active imagination. I dwell a hell of a lot on 'existential' issues. I've been meditating every day for about five months, and it seems to be affecting my life quite a lot, but not always in a good way. I find myself able to concentrate on things more, and, as I work in the media, a lot of the ideas I'm coming up with are pretty awesome. My writing is more flowing. Now I'm certainly not saying that I meditate in order to get some effect - although I might do this subconsciously - but, with my mind slowly clearing of 'banalities' such as what I'm going to eat tonight, why did I do that thing yesterday, I find myself focussing more on these kind of 'existential' issues. Being so focussed on them, and not distracted as much as I might used to have been, very often contributes to making me quite depressed. After meditating I may feel quite calm, but later in the day, my mind is racing. I focus a lot on buddhist philosophy - Dogen talked about flowers and weeds, and life and death, and how, although we are 'against' death, and kind of take sides, there is nothing we can do to 'overcome' death. But I was alerted a while ago to some scientists talking about stopping the ageing process completely - and thus giving humans an immortal existence. Even this idea makes me incredibly 'jittery', and sets my mind racing. But I want to understand why the idea frightens me so much. Is it because I can no longer attach myself to the 'ideas' of 'life' and 'death' as constituent elements of my existence? I know its to do with ideas, basically, but without the 'idea' of an end to my life, I feel like I would be holding my breath, attaching myself to my own life, and therefore losing the very meaning of 'life'. But it makes me think whether, at the moment, I keep the 'idea' of death in my mind, and 'attach' myself to that idea.
So, I wonder if, either way, both imagining myself ageing, and myself dying, as well as myself never ageing and never dying, are all ideas. Golly, it all swells my head a bit. I'm not sure if I can 'blame' meditation. Maybe meditation just forces me to cope with these thoughts. I know that, one take on this whole thing might be just to say - 'these are all thoughts. In meditation we let go of thoughts.' But I dispute this. Philosophy is part of Buddhism. It is not the heart of Buddhism, but it is a part. Any thoughts would be really appreciated, even if it is 'off topic'.